The Adventures of Chip and Dilan
by BleachedMerc
Summary: Fate has bound two hearts together in a pact of eternal friendship. The Darkness will never be able to conquer the truest Light. Warning: Contains Fate and friendship


**Chapter 1**

It was a cold, stormy day in France when Dilan arrived at the castle gates. He stepped out of his carriage, tipped the driver, and approached the gothic structure. The winds howled, ruffling his overcoat. After sounding three knocks on the door, he was permitted entry by a candelabra. The candelabra offered to take his hat, but Dilan was afraid it would be set aflame, so he simply collapsed his top hat and held it under his arm.

The candelabra ushered Dilan into the study where the fireplace offered a much desired warmth. Dilan took a seat in the sole armchair overlooking the flames and awaited audience with the prince. In the interim, he gazed around the room and noticed a trolley with a tea kettle and biscuits. He thought to help himself to a biscuit when suddenly, the tea kettle spoke to him.

"I am speaking to you," said Mrs. Potts.

"I can hear you speaking to me," Dilan replied.

Mrs. Potts made inquiry into Dilan's visit, and he explained to her his sad, tawdry tale of being the former Grand Duke of Scandinavia only to lose his title when a sorceress, disguised as a traveling vacuum salesman, cast a spell on all his loyal subjects when Dilan refused to purchase an extended warranty on his Hoover XL. In retaliation for not earning enough commission on her sale, the sorceress turned all the Scandinavians into woodland creatures. Hoping to find a kindred spirit in the Beast prince, Dilan braved the European countryside and small, provincial townscape. His overcoat reeked of pungent cheese and chicken feathers.

Touched by Dilan's heartwarming story, Mrs. Potts offered him a free cup of tea. Graciously taking the cup, he touched it to his lips when he heard a faint giggle. It was then that the cup spoke to Dilan.

"Hiya! I'm Chip!" said the cup.

"Hello, Chip. I am Dilan Heinrich Anders Sprengtporten VI the former Grand Duke of Scandinavia," Dilan replied.

"Hee, you're funny," Chip giggled.

Dilan took another slurp of tea. It was then that the candelabra returned to announce that His Majesty the prince was preoccupied with his preparation for the evening's ball and could therefore not entertain his most honored guest Dilan Heinrich Anders Sprengtporten VI the former Grand Duke of Scandinavia. In his stead, His Majesty sent his ambassador to Scandinavia, Fate Collins from the Collins Group of International Liaisons.

"Hello, I'm Fate," said the ambassador as she came into the room with a business card extended to Dilan. She was wearing an Ann Taylor business pantsuit with her hair done up in a $500 style. Clearly the bigwigs in Washington were paying her the big bucks as an outsourced liaison. When Dilan took the card with his free hand, Fate pulled up the dog-like ottoman and started texting a different client on her smartphone. "So what can I do for you, your former majesty?"

"I was merely seeking amicable relations with a like-minded autocrat," Dilan replied, squinting at the business card. What was a "fax" number?

"I see. Feeling lonely, are we?" she said with a sly, knowing smirk.

"W-well, I..." Dilan grew flustered.

Fate paused to look up from her phone. "Honey, please. I've dealt with all sorts in this line of work. Just the other day I was hiring ABBA to do a private show for Vladimir Putin." After sending one more quick text, she focus her full attention on Dilan. "Here's what I'm going to do for you, Mr. Sprengtporten: I'm going to enroll you in the Big Brother International Charity."

"Excuse me? The what?"

"You'll love it. Lonely guys like yourself sign up for schticks like this all the time. What they do is match guys looking for little brothers with kids looking for big brothers. Then they go to a park to play catch, get tickets to the football game, yadda, yadda." Fluidly tracing her thumbs along her phone, she insta-texted Dilan's information to the charity, and within seconds, she got a taker. "Well look at this, hot stuff! There's a lonely brat very close by!"

"Uh..." Dilan had no idea what was going on, so he nervously took another sip of tea.

"...And your lips are on him right now!"

Tea went sputtering into the fireplace as Dilan involuntarily expectorated.

Chip giggled. "Yay! I get a big brother!"

Fate used the wireless printer in the corner of the room to get the packet of release forms necessary for Dilan to sign. "I need you to sign here, here, here, initial there, and thumbprint here," she said while handing him the forms, a pen, and some ink for his thumb.

Still kind of dazed, Dilan signed his soul away without much taking it into account, and before he knew it, he was holding a new, little brother between his fingers.

"Well, looks like my job here's done!" Still texting, Fate turned for the door. "Oh, and by the way: that contract you signed isn't just legally binding; it's life-binding, too!"

"Meaning...?"

"Meaning if you don't play with that kid for at least four hours a day, Hades gets your soul."

"What!" Dilan got up to chase after Fate, but the dog ottoman got excited over all the commotion and caused Dilan to trip. Chip went flying in all the chaos. "NO!"

"Whee!" The little teacup flew through the air, holding two lives in the balance.


End file.
